The Last House on the Left (1972)

His entire career, people have been saying Wes Craven is some sort of master of the horror genre. I've yet to be impressed. The Last House on the Left was one of his films I always heard about being shocking and messed up. So I watched it. I was confused beyond words. I couldn't tell if it was a comedy or a horror film, and I don't think Wes knew either. The music sounded like it belonged with Mr. Magoo, and there was a theme song. Yes, a reoccurring theme song. I almost threw my tv to the floor. There were kazoo's being played. Just thinking about it right now is bringing back all the hate and disdain I had when first watching it. It sounded like a show that came on before the Beverly Hillbillies.

Then we meet the police officers. They were cartoon characters that had some bizarre, supposedly comical side story of them trying to get to the house. I couldn't believe what I was seeing and hearing. I don't care that this film came out in 1972, it wouldn't have been good even for that time. Let's just say Psycho came out 12 years beforehand. Let that put it into perspective for you.

Anyways, once this movie actually got serious it had a few brutal moments, but nothing really shocking. Pretty standard stuff. When the parents found their daughter in the woods they reacted as if they just found their garbage cans tipped over by raccoons. They were really just annoyed. Then the film took a turn into becoming an adult version of Home Alone. Shaving cream traps? Trip wires in the hallway? I was surprised there weren't any Christmas ornaments put under the window. Everyone in this movie acted so strangely. No one had actual human responses to anything. The mom seduces one of them in order to kill, I guess. Then she actually begins to perform oral sex on him. What? Why? There's no other way? Of course this leads to the film's claim to fame. The biting of the penis. Which, when it happened, made me laugh out loud. She was shaking her head around like a dog tearing up a chew toy. Ridiculous. Then when the bumbling idiots known as the local police force make it to the house, they get to watch the dad kill the last one with a chainsaw (after about 10 minutes of just walking around the room with it) and they didn't seem to care either. Then the movie just sort of...ends. Oh great. Thanks Wes.

If you can't tell, I wasn't shocked by this movie. I was enraged if anything. Not sure why this was made and then remade some 30 or so years later. A bizarre experience to say the least.

Shock or Not? Not

Film: 1/5
Shock: 2/5