The Last House on the Left (1972)

His entire career, people have been saying Wes Craven is some sort of master of the horror genre. I've yet to be impressed. The Last House on the Left was one of his films I always heard about being shocking and messed up. So I watched it. I was confused beyond words. I couldn't tell if it was a comedy or a horror film, and I don't think Wes knew either. The music sounded like it belonged with Mr. Magoo, and there was a theme song. Yes, a reoccurring theme song. I almost threw my tv to the floor. There were kazoo's being played. Just thinking about it right now is bringing back all the hate and disdain I had when first watching it. It sounded like a show that came on before the Beverly Hillbillies.

Then we meet the police officers. They were cartoon characters that had some bizarre, supposedly comical side story of them trying to get to the house. I couldn't believe what I was seeing and hearing. I don't care that this film came out in 1972, it wouldn't have been good even for that time. Let's just say Psycho came out 12 years beforehand. Let that put it into perspective for you.

Anyways, once this movie actually got serious it had a few brutal moments, but nothing really shocking. Pretty standard stuff. When the parents found their daughter in the woods they reacted as if they just found their garbage cans tipped over by raccoons. They were really just annoyed. Then the film took a turn into becoming an adult version of Home Alone. Shaving cream traps? Trip wires in the hallway? I was surprised there weren't any Christmas ornaments put under the window. Everyone in this movie acted so strangely. No one had actual human responses to anything. The mom seduces one of them in order to kill, I guess. Then she actually begins to perform oral sex on him. What? Why? There's no other way? Of course this leads to the film's claim to fame. The biting of the penis. Which, when it happened, made me laugh out loud. She was shaking her head around like a dog tearing up a chew toy. Ridiculous. Then when the bumbling idiots known as the local police force make it to the house, they get to watch the dad kill the last one with a chainsaw (after about 10 minutes of just walking around the room with it) and they didn't seem to care either. Then the movie just sort of...ends. Oh great. Thanks Wes.

If you can't tell, I wasn't shocked by this movie. I was enraged if anything. Not sure why this was made and then remade some 30 or so years later. A bizarre experience to say the least.

Shock or Not? Not

Film: 1/5
Shock: 2/5

The Human Centipede [First Sequence]

By now I'm sure most of you have heard about The Human Centipede. The first attempt from writer/director Tom Six to make you puke all over yourself. Before I saw this, I heard that he had succeeded in this. Even the (falsely entitled) king of gore, Eli Roth, has a quote on the cover saying it made him sick. More on that schlub at a later date. I had high hopes going into this movie. However, because of all the hype behind this movie, I already had a pretty good idea of what was going to take place.

I'm glad that we meet our lead, Dr. Heiter, early because Dieter Laser is the best part of this film. I have a feeling this role wasn't too far from what he's like in real life. Then we meet our victims. By the time they get into trouble I wanted them to die. They were just annoying and fit right into the typical horror movie damsels in distress. Then one thing leads to another and we're listening to the doctor tell his patients in great detail about their upcoming surgical procedure. Which was arguably the most shocking part. It gets into it pretty quickly without much back story, but I found myself not really caring about that and just eager to see how this all was going down.

The surgery was surprisingly not too graphic and didn't last very long. And then we see our centipede. At first I felt the gross out feeling, nothing near getting sick, but I was grossed out... for about a minute. I found the initial shock wore off pretty quickly. The rest of the movie consists of Dr. Heiter trying to train them to move, sleep, and eat as a centipede. Which is bad news for the two ladies in the back, if you catch my drift. Then some other bad stuff happens and the movie ends. Vague, I know, but because this movie is still rather fresh I don't want to give away too much about the rest of it. Not that there is some amazing or shocking twist, I just want to be nice.

If it wasn't for the pure originality of the movie and the great performance by Dieter Laser, I don't really think this movie would be earning the Shock title. Tom Six really left more to the imagination than he showed. Which I've heard he's going to make up for with The Human Centipede 2 [Full Sequence] coming out sometime next year. He's been saying the first is just "My Little Pony" compared to the second and that he is trying to make the most shocking movie ever. I look forward to seeing if he holds up his end of the bargain. He also said that he actually sat down with a surgeon when he wrote this film as to make sure it is 100% medically accurate. So, I guess this is possible. Careful kids, don't get roofied in Germany.

Shock or Not? Shock

Film: 3/5
Shock: 3/5

Dead Alive

What is there to say about Dead Alive? Well for starters, I don't know if I've seen that much blood in a movie before. This was a bizarre cinematic experience for me. I was almost speechless, except for asking "What?" repeatedly. I just couldn't believe what I was seeing or why I was seeing. This came from the future Oscar winning director Peter Jackson. How in the hell he got the Lord of the Rings job after his previous career I'll never know.

This movie was insane and exhausting. It never stopped, it never took time to let you relax. Once it all started, it never even paused. And the ridiculousness just got more and more ridiculous until it ended. So much blood, body parts and insanity. I wasn't really shocked by the gore, but more by the over all experience. It sort of ends up leaving you breathless and wondering what the hell just happened. I do have to say it is rather entertaining. I was smiling during the majority of it. It seemed like Jackson had a million ideas of how to kill zombies and wanted to stuff them all into one film. I would say the weirdness of this one makes it so only a select crowd would enjoy it and even though I wasn't really shocked by it, others probably would be. Nonetheless, it could prove to be a fun time.

Shock or Not? Not

Film: 2/5
Shock: 2/5

The Exorcist

What would a horror movie blog be without mentioning The Exorcist? I saw this movie a number of years ago, but was fortunate enough to see it on the big screen at the Music Box Massacre 4 in Chicago at the Music Box Theatre. What an awesome experience to be able to see an original copy of this film in such a beautiful building. I of course knew all about this movie growing up. It is just such a masterful horror film. Friedkin's direction mixed with the entire cast is a beautiful thing to see.

The way this film starts off, showing this innocent little girl, with such a sweet demeanor really got my on edge. Just expecting what was to come, I felt sorry for her already. The way she changes her attitude and the way she behaves was performed so well by Linda Blair. Then it all begins. The stuff you've seen parodied a million times over. No matter how many times you've seen someone mimic the scenes of this film, it still doesn't lose its shock. That's a sign of a good and truly shocking film.

I think besides all the physical things that happen to poor little Regan, the things that are said are what I found to be most shocking. "Your mother sews socks in hell" is the TV edited version of one of the infamous lines. When they record what she says, and then play it backwards... that sent shivers up and down my spin. Such a great moment in horror movie history. I was shocked by this movie, but also in awe of how a horror movie could harness so much emotion and be just a brilliant film even without the scariness and shock. If you haven't seen this movie, do so today. This is the best exorcism film to date. The latest, laughable attempt from The Last Exorcism was a shame. It literally had me laughing my seat. The only movie to do it right so far came out in 1973. That should tell you something about this film.

Shock or Not? Shock

Film: 5/5
Shock: 4/5

Suspiria

If you don't know who Dario Argento is, then you need to learn...fast. His name is synonymous with blood filled Italian horror. Suspiria is arguably his best work. I had heard about this movie ever since I was a kid. When I finally was able to see it, I was blown away. The visuals and intensity are pulled together so well with some rather shocking murders. When this movie ended I felt like I had just woken up from some bizarre nightmare. The brightness of the blood was an interesting artistic direction. It really went with the aesthetic of the rest of the film. The murders in this film were shocking, and brutal, even by our standards 33 years later.

If you know Argento's work, you can tell just by the look and feel of this movie that it was sculpted by his crazy hands. Which by the way, donned the black leather gloves as the killer, or so they say. I found this movie to not only be shocking, but also a fantastic addition to any horror lover's collection. It's a strange and fun ride that you won't soon forget. Argento wins with this one. I was shocked. Thank you.

Shock or Not? Shock

Film: 4/5
Shock: 4/5

Natural Born Killers

This film might stand out as not your typical horror film, but this film falls under that banner rather well. Natural Born Killers is one of the oddest things I've seen, possibly ever. Being directed by Oliver Stone makes it that much more bizarre. This more had a lot of notoriety surrounding it as being a shocking and intense movie. I wasn't that excited about seeing this one, but it had the shocking label attached to it, so I had to. This one was weird, very experimental, but had did have a few shocking scenes. The only parts I found shocking were portrayed by Rodney Dangerfield. Yes, that's right. Him. His portrayal as an abusive, sick father was pretty disturbing.

The rest of the movie really just felt like a college student's class project. The switching from black and white to color, all the strange angles and constantly moving camera... I couldn't wait for this to be over. The 5 minutes of shock was not worth the other 110 of bizarre dullness. Perhaps if this film was under the hands of a different director who's more skilled in the horror genre, without the other acting, this could have been good. It had a great cast, just used very poorly. I was most shocked at how boring I found this film.

Shock or Not? Not

Film: 1/5
Shock: 1/5

Audition

What better place to start off a blog about shocking horror films than with the notorious, Audition? I have heard for years about how this film was the most shocking thing many people have seen. I finally got my hands on it, and my expectations were rather high for this one due to the massive build up it received over the years. I've also known about Takashi Miike's career in film, and his rather depraved way of going about things. I will certainly have more of his work on here in future, no doubt. As I finally popped Audition into the dvd player, I was excited. I was finally going to see what all the hype and nauseous stomachs were about, and I couldn't wait.

Yet, I had to wait... and wait. The film itself wasn't bad, great acting and direction, but where was all the "crazy shit" people had talked about for years? However, it did have an eerie overtone that gave me a slight uneasy feeling, and just expecting the worst to happen to our lead character. The film kept going, and got stranger, and creepier. Slowly building and building until it hit a switch. Suddenly it felt like we were in some sort of Dario Argento Japanese dream world. I wasn't sure what to think. And then the violence kicked in and... it ended. Years of hype for... not even an hour of medium range shock? Yes, I did like the build to the end and the contrast between the start and finish, but I guess I was just kind of let down. The film itself was rather good. I guess I just wasn't as shocked as most people who saw it. Miike is a great director, and I could see why people were shocked by this movie, but I just wasn't.

Shock or Not? Not.

Film: 3/5
Shock: 2/5

Welcome!

Welcome to Shock or Not. The point of this blog is rather simple.

Over the years, I have seen many horror films. A life time of watching these can make someone desensitized to future horror films. I have come to realize that I have been finding it harder and harder to be shocked and/or scared by films in the horror genre.

So now, I am on a mission. I am setting out to find, watch, and rate horror films that claim to be "shocking", "too gory for theaters", "disturbing", etc. I will then rate the movie on how good it was as a film and it's level of shock.

Please feel free to suggest any films you think I should see, and I will do my best to watch and rate them.

Hope you enjoy!