I Spit On Your Grave (2010)

Growing up as a young boy in New York, I never thought the day would come where I would find myself laughing heartily while I watch a man be fed his own penis. However, thanks to the remake of I Spit On Your Grave, that day has come. This was one of the most outrageous films I've ever seen. The writer and directer got decidedly creative with how our lead character would exact revenge on these bumbling hicks.

It's a pretty simple story, a female author takes a trip to the country to spend some alone time writing, and also apparently drinking, and smoking weed. Apparently she is the only woman to travel to this part of America in the past 20 years and the local hicks decide they need to take full advantage of this. Putting it as kindly as I can...they raped her. After an agonizingly long sequence of this, she jumps into a river just as they are about to kill her. She can apparently hold her breath for hours because they wait for her to pop up down stream, but she never does. So these hicks, the town sheriff included, go back to their regular lives of watching tv and whittling pointy sticks.

Turns out she survived and has been in the forest for a month surviving on God knows what and somehow got herself a new pair of clean jeans and a shirt. Anyways, she comes back and starts messing with the hicks, and then captures them one by one and tortures and kills them in ways similar, but far worse, than how they tortured her. This is where the film just got hilarious. The most outrageous acts I've ever seen on screen happened here. Including what I mentioned in the first sentence. I had also never seen a man be raped with a shotgun until I saw this movie. That was a new one.

Don't ever see this, unless you're like me and can handle it. Even then, it's not really worth it unless you've had a few drinks.

Shock or not? Shock

Film: 2/5
Shock: 4/5

We Are What We Are (Somos Lo Que Hay)

To be honest, I'm not sure if I've really been introduced to the Mexican horror cinema. Well, it was worth the wait. We Are What We Are was a wonderful way to begin our relationship.

This is a beautiful and dark film about a family of cannibals. Yea, I know what you may be thinking, "flashes of Texas Chainsaw Massacre." and you can go right to hell. Just kidding, but really, We Are What We Are rewrites the entire playbook on the cannibal genre and I couldn't be happier about it.

I'm going to do as best I can to not give away too many details as this is another great film I want people to see.

This film accomplishes the often difficult task of making the viewer cheer for the bad guy. As this family hunts for food of the human variety, I found myself feeling bad when they failed.

This film is gruesome, gritty and all around dark on all levels. It has a wonderful and steady build that leads to a fast-paced and intense climax. I'm not going to tell you what happens because it is all too fun to watch it unfold. Just get your hands on it as soon as you can. You won't be disappointed.

Shock or not? Shock

Film: 4/5
Shock: 4/5

Rubber

Where do I even begin with a film like Rubber? A tire named Robert who possesses the ability to blow things up with telekinetic powers.

Just let that marinate in your brain for a bit.

You may be thinking, "Why?". I have a simple answer for you: No reason.

This entire film is a self-proclaimed "homage to no reason". It has the feel and style of the French art house cinema from the past, but mixed with a modern day look and dozens of exploding heads. It's as funny as it is bizarre and it's bizarreness is what lands it here today. It's not shocking the same way all the other films I've reviewed are. By now, we've all seen heads explode. That's no big deal. What is a big deal is that fact the what's making those heads explode is the telekinetic powers of a sentient tire. A tire that will kill anything or anyone to get to the girl he's fallen for. That's right, he knows how to love, too. He takes showers, he watches tv, and he explodes the heads of an entire family to do so. Robert the tire doesn't give a damn. Just get out of his way.

Then there's also the other story line that is a commentary on modern cinema audiences. There's a group of people with binoculars watching all of it with us. I'll leave what happens with them a mystery for you to enjoy. However, with one hint. It's the writer/director, Quentin Dupieux's version of "if a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?". At least that's how I took it.

It's a very interesting film, full of laughs, confusion, blood and brains. Why did I like this film? No reason.

Shock or not? Shock

Film: 4/5
Shock: 4/5

High Tension

Yes, another French film. I swear I'm not doing this on purpose. This time we have an attempt at horror from Alexandre Aja and his film High Tension. His other films (The Hills Have Eyes remake and the Piranha remake in 3D) should give you a hint as to what this film was like. Blood, death, screaming. A pretty typical horror film, but with a few curve balls thrown in.

Thankfully this movie doesn't waste much time getting into the action, just about 20 minutes in when it all begins. Some pretty typical stuff really. A fat, grunting man comes into a house and walks about killing it's occupants. He chains up the daughter and puts her in his truck, while our main character (the family friend), Marie, sneaks around trying to free her. She accidentally gets locked in the back of the truck as well and goes for a ride. The rest is pretty predictable up until the last 10 minutes or so when they reveal the movie's big twist.

However, instead of having the intended reaction of "oh man, no way!". It triggers more of a "wait...what?" reaction. As this twist is impossible, with everything that happened in the film up until the twist is revealed. This makes it so the viewer has to expand their imagination. I'm not sure if this really works, because one of the aspects that helps to make a horror film so horrifying is the viewer being able to put themselves in the shoes of the victim. This sort of takes you out of that, but maybe that's just me. All in all it's an entertaining watch and there's really only one scene at the beginning that really helped this earn the shock badge. Stay away if you don't like lots of blood. Aja loves lots of blood.

Shock or not? Shock

Film: 3/5
Shock: 3/5

Frontier(s)

The French have been at the forefront of cinema since the beginning and they certainly haven't left out the horror genre. Lately I have been watching a lot of French horror films, and they have been hitting the spot. They not only bring the shock and scares, but tie it all in with some great stories.

Frontier(s) is one of those films.

When it starts, it doesn't really feel like a horror movie. Shows a group of young adults in France during some riots. And ends in a totally different place you never see coming. These young adults flee the city, on the run from authorities and the riots caused by a current political election. They stop at an inn in the middle of the countryside. This is where things start to get strange, and more dangerous than the riots in the city.

Things get weird pretty quick, then they get suddenly violent. This is where it all gets pretty damn crazy. I don't want to give much about that away because it's a fun ride. However, know that it involves a herd of mutant children, a Nazi, cannibalism, pigs, a table saw, one melting person, and a hell of a lot of blood. Frontier(s) is an interesting and intense film, and certainly does it's job to entertain and shock. I enjoyed this one.

Shock or not? Shock

Film: 4/5
Shock: 4/5

[rec]2

The [rec] series had a rather interesting origin. It all began when two Spanish filmmakers wanted to make a movie that didn't have any music. This spawned [rec] (which spawned the embarrassing American remake Quarantine). The first of the series was very good. Shooting a horror film, or zombie film to be exact, all from a first person point of view.

I had the honor, and absolute joy, of viewing [rec]2 for the first time in theaters. A rarity for the American audience. It was at the wonderful Portage Theater here in Chicago, IL. In a theater is really the proper place for this film to be seen. It blew me, and the entire audience, away.

It hits hard and with a frantic pace. It is brutal, and amazingly well done. I totally loved it. And guess what...its actually a unique take on the zombie film. What?! Yea, that's right. It's not the same old stuff. The first person viewing (from the helmet cameras of a swat team, and hand held camera of teens) really puts the viewer in the film. You can't help but feel like this is all happening to you. You will fear for your life while watching this, and it feels great. I would also like to mention that the main "creature" is quite possibly one of the most creepy, disgusting things I've ever seen. I later found out it was all done without CGI which blew my mind, and made it even more creepy.

A friend of mine who was at the screening said it was the first time he's seen a horror movie get an actual fearful reaction out of me. So that means something. For those of you who like or love zombies, this is a must see. And don't be ignorant, watch it with subtitles (yes, it is in Spanish). This is a great, and terrifying film. Go purchase it, get your friends together with the biggest TV and sound system you can find, and enjoy.

Shock or not? Shock

Film: 5/5
Shock: 4/5

Dr. Giggles

You may not have heard of this film. I stumbled upon it late one night while with a group of friends. It ended up being one of the most entertaining film viewings I've ever had. Although the laughs weren't delivered on purpose, the shock certainly was.

Dr. Giggles is exactly what it appears to be. A horror film about a crazy doctor. Pretty straight forward stuff. However, it does throw in a few curve balls. One in particular that has led me to review it on this site. While going back to show us why Dr. Giggles is the way he is there is a scene that was pretty crazy. I'm pretty sure out of all of us there, I was just 1 of 2 people who kept their eyes on the screen during it.

Dr. Giggles' father, umm...Dr. Giggles, Sr.? Is a crazy doctor as well. Back in the day when his wife was dying of a heart condition he started taking people's hearts to give to her, blah blah. The police caught on, yada yada. Then, the Giggles boys hatch an insane plan. They cut open the dead mother and sew the young Giggles into his dead mother (we don't see this part). Later, when on the table in the coroner's office, he cuts himself out of her. We see a little boy cut and crawl his way (pretty much naked) out of his dead (and totally naked) mother. It was a rather unbelievable site and what I think has earned this film the status of shock.

The rest of the film is just the doctor going around this town killing people with medical instruments and horribly hilarious medical related puns. The puns were arguably the best part as my friends and I turned it into a game of who would guess correctly what the next pun would be. We cheered as if we were watching the Super Bowl.

It was a very enjoyable experience, and one of the key elements was that it didn't take itself seriously. If you're looking for medical violence and a lot of laughs, I highly recommend it.

Shock or not? Shock

Film: 3/5
Shock:3/5